New Year, New Blessings

Happy new year to YOU!
May this be the year your dreams come true . . .

I'm so excited about this year because soon I'll be releasing the third novel in my Robbin' Hearts Series, Sherwood's End, which ties up Robin's & Creek's adventures as they come full circle into healing, wholeness & lasting genuine love. (Look for Sherwood's End to debut on Amazon & Kindle shortly!) For me, this is a huge milestone & dream come true--I'll finally have finished a series! This event represents a big breakthrough for me. Why? Because writing books that are fresh, original, and yet deeply touch the soul is hard & requires the mental fortitude of a marathon runner. And this can be said of any big dream, right? When the going gets tough, and I feel like the end is nowhere in sight, I often have to remind myself that "Everything I want is on the other side of discipline."

And FAITH . . . 

Because to do anything beyond the ordinary "same old", you have to both envision the big picture & then take the small, often frustrating, baby steps each day to make it come true. Sometimes you have to contend with people who subtly hint that you can't achieve your goal--that you'll never be up to snuff. And sometimes (gulp) you have to confront the fact that you need to remove those influences from your life. Since I'm a group hug kind of gal, that's really hard (& often traumatic) for me. I naturally support others & love to see their dreams come to fruition! So I'm always shocked (& deeply rattled) when others don't want the same for me. But here's perhaps the toughest part about achieving what you want in life:

YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO MAKE YOUR DREAMS HAPPEN.

Which means, YOU have to be the one to take the lid off & allow your dreams to fly.

Yep. As hard as it may be, there often comes a point where you have to stare for a long time in the mirror & say to yourself "Is it really other people or circumstances keeping the lid on my dreams, or is it ME? Do I have the guts to put my dreams first, despite setbacks, enormous labor, and the occasional ridicule of others? Can I love myself enough to truly listen to the whispers of my heart & make this happen?" 

Because I hate to say this, even to myself, but sometimes I realize that the resistance outside of me is actually reflecting the insecurity & doubt I have inside of me. And it's fascinating that whenever I drum up my courage, and make the unwavering, internal decision that "This is going to happen come hell or highwater," suddenly the naysayers start to disappear! A dear friend of mine likes to remind me that "Crazy finds the cracks." In other words, when I have cracks in my spiritual armor, such as doubt, insecurity & low self-esteem, strange people seem to come out of the woodwork to put me down or throw bizarre roadblocks my way. But when I shore myself up and decide within me that I deserve this dream as much as anyone, and to hell with what other people think, all at once crazy goes a runnin'. . . 

Yet what that sometimes requires is the courage to stand alone. 

For me, one of the most challenging obstacles I tend to have toward achieving my goals is the long-standing wish to fit in. Ouch.

Hello? It's not possible! Most people don't run around writing down the intimate conversations of their imaginary friends, Diane! On top of that, in terms of Myers-Briggs personality types, I'm an INFJ, which means I'm something akin to 1% of the total population & my mental processes are by far the least understood by the masses. I am, in a word, considered weird. Some of my dear friends even claim that in another lifetime I would have been burned at the stake (& the verdict is still out for this lifetime, too ; ). But probably because I'm a twin & come from a large family of 5 kids, I always hold out this hope in my heart that my group-hug idea of the world can come true. Yet as I get older, I've slowly learned to become more content with my oddness--and the price required to write thoughtful fiction, which is exactly this: You must to be willing to observe & say what others refuse to talk about. Because beyond the norms, traditions, and comfortable routines of our society lie the real yearnings of our souls--our ache to be loved & truly known--which most of us artfully suppress for fear of encountering derision. And to give voice to those heartbreaking whispers in the dark that we're reluctant to let others hear is at times the most revolutionary & original thing you can do. And it will most certainly make you be perceived as "different."

That's okay with me. Finally . . .

Because after all this time, I'd rather be different and real than fit in. And being authentic is the only way I know to achieve my dreams. Here's a little secret: your soul won't tolerate anything less. I honestly believe that your own soul will throw roadblocks into your life until you get back on track with the real YOU. Your heart yearns to travel the path that only it knows, not the well-worn path of others, so be grateful for its guidance. You may not have a lot of company on your route, but the colors will be brighter, the music purer, the friendships more true, and the dreams far more satisfying if you take the steps you know your soul is urging your towards.

So here's to a grand 2015! I pray you will listen to your heart & experience huge blessings & breakthroughs this year! And most of all, I pray that your dreams will always light the way toward your true spiritual home. 

LOVE, MAGIC & MIRACLES TO YOU IN 2015!

Photo credit note: All images on my blog are either my own or were gleaned from pictures in the public domains of popular social networks like tumblr, facebook or pinterest. If you own the copyright to any of these images & do NOT want them used publicly, please contact me & I will take them down immediately! : )

Sparkling Heart

Spring comes in March, so of course I'm out there jogging my butt off in preparation for the warmer weather! Who doesn't like to wear more body-flattering clothing than a turtleneck sweater & winter parka all the time? Like the maiden in the above picture with the narrow waist, perfect ball gown and bouncy hair, I like to greet the magic of spring with a sense of excitement & adventure without having to worry about my midriff bulge. But with the lighter layers & cute, clingy spring fashions comes the (gulp!) need for a more serious fitness plan. Since I live in Colorado, my favorite butt-busting hill is a nearby ridge at 9,000 feet where I like to run that has a 500-foot elevation gain. Why? Because the road is made of nice, soft dirt and has a gorgeous view of the Rocky Mountains. So while I'm out there huffing & puffing (and ready to blow the nearest house down), if I can just take my eyes off my tired feet for an instant, I can let the scenic view set my thoughts a little higher than the usual "Lord have mercy—am I really going to survive this?"

But today, it all of sudden hit me that my fitness journey isn't about survival at all. Or about beating myself up over whether I did this number of miles in that amount of time. As I stared at my feet trudging across the soft, granite-laden dirt, I suddenly realized how beautiful this moment is. This pudgy, tortoise-jogging-pace moment—regardless of my ultimate goal to finally shed those winter pounds or top my achievement from yesterday. Because it's my heart that gives this moment meaning—my brave, yearning, tenacious, (and dare I say it?) heroic heart. Ultimately, no one really cares how streamlined I look in a slinky dress or pair of skinny jeans with high heels. But what's truly beautiful is that gallant heart who gets out there & tries to ascend that mountain, day after day after day . . .

And for the first time, I just took a deep breath and appreciated my heart and all its beautiful dreams & ambitions, no matter how silly or serious they may seem at times. That wonderful ability of the human heart to lift its sights and TRY . . .

 



Could it be that the very act of wishing, and then believing in that wish strongly enough to set feet in relentless motion, is more beautiful than any ball gown or castle in the air my mind might conjure? Because when I'm at the bottom, and not the "perfection" that I aspire to, my soul is perhaps the most noble of all. I find out what I'm made of—one foot after the other, focused on vision & hope. And as I looked at the footprints I'd made in in the mountain dirt, I thought to myself that their image is as lovely as any lofty dream. This is the evidence of a spirit who never gives up—on her life or on her goals. And even if I never find the path towards my version of happily ever after, those footprints made in faith are perhaps the most rewarding of all.

Castles crumble, kingdoms fall, dreams can die, and ball gowns can certainly fade or fall out of fashion. But the joy of spring for me is the chance to step outside & enjoy the journey. And perhaps to relish in the crystalline quality of my soul most of all . . .

I hope as the warmer breezes come & flowers begin to spring up, that you will honor the one who does the seeing, the smelling & the feeling & the believing along your way. And that you will treasure each moment you get to spend with the stirrings of your own sparkling heart.

(Photo credit note: All images on my blog are either my own or were gleaned from pictures in the public domains of facebook, pinterest, or other popular social networks. If you own the copyright to any of these images & do NOT want them used publicly, please contact me & I will take them down immediately! : )

Why I Believe in Once Upon a Time

(Note: To read my exclusive interviews with the creators & cast of the hit TV show Once Upon a Time, click this link. The following is an essay on why I love the show : )


Occasionally people ask why I enjoy the fairy tale show Once Upon a Time so much, especially as a working mom with 2 kids who barely has enough time to watch TV, let alone keep up with a multi-year series. And that's just the thing—I'm not in it for some adolescent wish fulfillment (I've already found my Prince Charming) or because I need a weekly dose of escapist fantasy (as a writer, I chat way too much with my imaginary friends, so I've pretty much got that covered ; ). Believe it or not, Once Upon a Time provides solace for me because it echoes my reality . . . 

If you've ever had the chance to read my post "Our Season of Miracles" (you can view it here: http://www.banditsranch.com/2012/12/real-magic-our-season-of-miracles.html ), you'll understand a little bit more about my childhood and why the term "magical" was a daily reality in the household where I grew up. But what I've never discussed before is why, in particular, the character of Emma Swan resonates so strongly with me, especially in the Season 3 episode of "Going Home."

We all know Emma Swan is one tough cookie. She grew up in the foster care system, only to discover as an adult that she's supposed to be the fabled "savior" for a bunch of people who come from a fairy tale world that she doesn't even believe in. The Emma we first meet in the show is cynical & hardened by life, and it's no wonder—she's seen her share of abandonment & harsh reality. But slowly, the fairy tale characters get under her skin, and nothing demonstrates this fact more fully than Jefferson's beautiful speech to her in the "Hat Trick" episode from Season 1. Jefferson, who's the Mad Hatter, just wants to find his beloved daughter again, and he needs Emma to help him repair his magical hat to cross worlds. Emma naturally thinks he's insane & remarks that these are just fanciful "stories", to which Jefferson replies:

"You know what the issue is with this world? Everyone wants a magical solution to their problems and everyone refuses to believe in magic...How arrogant are you to think this is the only real world? There are infinite more. You have to open your mind and touch one another, pressing up in a long line of lands, each one just as real as the last. All have their own rules. Some have magic, some don't. And some need magic—like this one. And that's where you come in."

Jefferson is exactly right—that is where YOU come in. Not only Emma in the show, but you in your own life. I firmly believe that unless you open your mind to the possibilities of love & joy & well being & freedom, they can never manifest as your reality. Because this is the weird & creative & serendipitous thing about life that the wisdom of legends, fairy tales & fables have tapped into for centuries: You are actually the author of your own reality. And life has a downright eerie way of matching the story that you internally tell yourself.

I don't say this just because I'm a writer—I say this because I've seen firsthand the miracles that happen when you dare to believe. And don't kid yourself—belief is risky. You can get disappointed. You can feel like an idiot. You can use all kinds of facts & figures to convince yourself that nothing good will ever happen—and you'll be right. Because very few positive events can ever occur unless you first make room for them in your heart. Especially love! If you don't actually believe in the possibility of love (a very imaginal phenomenon, full of fantasy ramifications from the get go), you'll never dare to flirt, exchange in small talk, or encourage that other person with a smile to sit down for a spell and enjoy your heart for a while.

And yet people do it all the time. Even though it's crazy. 

Because they've first imagined themselves as being with that significant other one day—they pictured it in their heads. So they keep acting in the so-called "real" world as if it's possible. And where does that imagination come from? From YOU. The media is full of negative bullshit about finding love. Look around—fat people, short people, disabled people, damaged people, geeky-nerdy-weird & wonderful people fall in love all the time—not just the body types that the media serves up to us for advertising dollars. Why? Because they believed in love's MAGIC that knows no boundaries. Or as Mary Margaret/Snow White said to Henry in the Season 3 episode of "Going Home," "Believing in even the possibility of a happy ending is a very powerful thing."

But her character also said in that episode, "Your happy ending may not be what you expect—that is what will make it so special."

And this is something I know a little bit about.

Because like Emma, I once had a baby in difficult circumstances—and harsh reality did everything in its power to destroy our bond. But harsh reality was no match for the miracle-making power of the human heart, because I am the daughter of a woman who believed in miracles, just like Emma's is the daughter of her brave & strong mother Snow White.

So when, in the 32nd week of my first pregnancy, my placenta ruptured, nearly killing me and my child, all the doctors & scientists involved in the situation told me that we were doomed. I'll never forget my  husband's eyes, as large as saucers, haunted by the verdict of impending death. I could feel the sick fear all around us, permeating every nook and cranny of our hospital room. And my heart ached for my husband who was facing that dark tunnel of losing the loves of his life in a big city where we had no friends, no family, or any relatives near us. We were completely alone, feeling like orphans in this bleak situation, and we had no one to turn to. In fact, the priest had already come to the hospital room to administer last rites to our child. And I will never forget the moment that tested every ounce of courage I had to the limit. Before the priest spoke a word, I grabbed my husband's hand and said through gritted teeth: "I don't care what anyone says. My mother walked & talked miracles every day of her life, and I saw with my own eyes the power that brought into this world, and it is not my baby's time to go yet. Neither one of us are dying today."

And something happened.

Both my husband & I felt it. It was as though something supernatural had lifted the "curse" of fear that had overtaken the room.

So I asked the priest to simply pray with us for healing over our baby, rather than deliver last rites. To focus on hope instead of death. And he did.

And my little Georgie lived.

She not only lived, she grew strong enough to take breast milk, smile at me, listen to Winnie the Pooh stories, and giggle & play little games with us.

No one could believe it—and I grew healthier by the day, too. But as Mary Margaret/Snow said in Once Upon a Time, "Your happy ending my not be what you expect—that is what will make it so special," in a very surpising twist of fate, just as Georgie was about to be discharged from the hospital and allowed to go home, she left this earth.

The doctors were stunned—how could this child who'd survived all the odds and who appeared so healthy, suddenly slip from our hands? Yet though this may seem hard to believe, it all made sense to me.

I am no stranger to life turning out differently than I expected. Because my own mother lived longer than her prognosis, and filled our lives with abundant laughter & light, I knew that Georgie's  five weeks on this earth had been a pure gift to me, too. Of course I wanted Georgie to live longer, and of course I miss her—but I will never let that stain the sheer beauty of each moment that I got to spend with her that is inscribed on my heart for all time. And it was all a joy! Never for a second was it shrouded in fear—because her recovery had been so miraculous that we all thought she was going home. Our every minute together had been one of happiness.

And that is not the end of the story, either. Two years later, I went on to have 2 more children—bouncy, happy twin boys—who've never had a health problem a day in their lives. And who, when they were only three years old, started telling me about dreams they had of playing with their "other family." "What other family is that?" I'd ask, thinking they meant their stuffed animals or characters they'd heard about in books. But at different times, each of my boys told me about playing with their "Heaven family" and a little girl who was 2 years older than they are named "Gigi."

My husband & I had never spoken a word in our home about Georgie, who we sometimes nicknamed "Gigi" & who would have been 2 years older than the boys. As parents, we thought the idea of a deceased sister might be too hard for our children to grasp until they were older, so we didn't have pictures of her around either, and we lived far away from relatives who might have discussed her.

Could it be that Jefferson's ideas of alternate realities, which he spoke of in the "Hat Trick" episode of Once Upon a Time, are true? And perhaps Georgie does play with the boys at night and makes new & happy memories with them?

I don't know.

All I know is that what should have been a dark & tragic time in my life was filled with joy because I believed. And just like Emma in the "Going Home" episode of Once Upon a Time, I'm choosing to embrace the power of my positive version of the events that've helped to create my happily ever after—because that's what makes it all the more special, even if it's different than what I expected. I find that the more I trust myself to flow with what fate has in store, even when things get rocky, the more receptive I become to ending up exactly where I need to be. And similarly, regardless of the twists & turns of fate, Emma finally has her bond with Henry in episode 11 of Season 3—and she doesn't have to overthink it anymore. All she has to do is let it be—and believe . . .   

Because it's never too late to find your happy ending

(Photo credit note: All images on my blog are either my own or were gleaned from pictures in the public domains of facebook, pinterest, or other popular social networks. If you own the copyright to any of these images & do NOT want them used publicly, please contact me & I will take them down immediately! : )

 

Daydream Believer

Daydreams matter.

And I'll tell you exactly why.

Because never in the history of the earth has an athlete accomplished a great sporting feat without at first imagining him or herself doing it, in precise detail, long before his or her body followed suit. And there simply could be no breakthroughs in science & technology without someone daring to imagine impossible things—even highly dubious notions—like flying rickety airplanes & volatile rockets or sending messages around the world with the speed of light. Nowadays we call such processes that lead to advancement "visualization" or scientific "research." But we all know what's really going on here: those highly disciplined daydreams are the ones that put scientists, athletes & artists into the pure realm of imagination that fuels the very flame of the impossible.

And over time, "impossible" has become my favorite word...

Why? Because when something is considered humanly impossible, I automatically know we are stepping into a uniquely spiritual realm—a realm where all the fascinating inventors & artists who've came before us believed that anything could happen...

And no matter how high their level of education & genius, we know that before they ever reached their extraordinary achievements, they actually had to BELIEVE that they could. And here is what I love about such belief: You can't do it in a hurry. 

No, you have to STOP. Ruminate. Muddle. Draw. Map. Ponder. Graph. Scratch out. Re-imagine again. And chiefly what this requires from you is time—daydreaming time. Believing in the impossible always forces you to empty your mind of prior limiting conditions to actually envision how something might be achieved that has never occurred before. And this my favorite part: you must picture the steps leading up to that achievement & it's actualization in every physical detail. In other words, you must daydream your heart out.

(My dear friend Brie Groff found this inspiring photo)

And I have a little life secret for you: I honestly believe nothing wonderful has ever happened—be it in science, art, sports, or even finding your long-term romantic partner—unless you deeply believed that you could. And that's because, in my humble opinion, daydreaming is the most powerful magic on earth. The simple difference between daydreamers who achieve their dreams & those who don't is their level of faith, discipline, tenacity, and sheer guts to stick to their imagined outcome despite what anyone thinks. 

Because daydreams really ARE that powerful.

So this summer, I'd like to gently remind you to not EVER let someone rob you of your daydreams. What you imagine is real—it's real in your heart & therefore real in the imaginal realm—and your dreams want you! They want you so much that I believe they'll manifest in uncanny ways that you never expected, once you've taken the time to give them their due. The trick is to let them fly on their own & come back to you in the manner that they choose. And that requires faith & an uncanny sense of letting go. Only then can your dreams suddenly alight into your life—what many people call that "breakthrough" moment when the flash of genius finally comes, or when you stumble into the love of your life in a crowded café. These serendipitous moments are the result of your willingness to open your heart, over & over again despite many setbacks & failures, to the possibility of great things—wonderful things—actually coming to YOU.

And once you do that, with every ounce of faith you can muster, you'll never be the same.

You'll be a daydream believer, just like me.

But it's okay—the view is really beautiful from up here ; )

(Photo credit note: All images on my blog are either my own or were gleaned from pictures in the public domain of facebook or pinterest. If you own the copyright to any of these images & do NOT want them used publicly, please contact me & I will take them down immediately! : )

Holiday Spirit

You know the feeling—it's exhilarating that the holidays are coming, yet as much as we want to invest ourselves in the warmth & good cheer that the season brings, we feel that clock ticking . . . There are presents to buy, gifts to wrap, incoming relatives from out of town, meals to prepare, the list is endless!

I was already buckling from the stress. So when a friend called me for a brief "sanity check," I was only too happy to help a comrade in the domestic trenches by listening to her woes. In her case, she had a mother-in-law staying with her who she dearly loves, BUT who's a chain-smoking & demanding Queen Bee who recently had chemotherapy along with every other illness & complication on the planet, AND who fell down when she tried to disembark from a train & broke three ribs & now requires constant attention. (Can you spell T-R-A-I-N           W-R-E-C-K?)  The very fact that this woman has a terrific sense of humor and a will of iron only makes the whole situation more difficult because you love her to death even as you find yourself wishing you could choke her!

Sound familiar?

But what became decidedly unfamiliar was the moment that I spotted my friend in the parking lot at the grocery store at the very same time I was talking to her on my cell phone! We both stared at each other in disbelief and began to laugh. This has never happened to me before, and it felt like a truly odd incident of synchronicity that we were at the exact same place at the exact same time.

But that didn't even compare to the synchronicity of who walked beside us at that moment. It was none other than . . .

Mrs. Claus.

(With a smile as big as Texas.)

I know she was Mrs. Claus because who else wears holiday pajamas and a Santa hat to the grocery store, complete with matching red socks and a festive mink stole with a glittering holiday brooch when it's over sixty degrees outside?

When Mrs. Claus spotted us, she smiled even bigger and said, "Why, hello there!" like she knew us.

Good god, she probably does! And I bet she knows when we've been naughty or nice, too!

My friend and I couldn't help ourselves—the woman was such a bundle of warmth and joy that we had to walk alongside her to the grocery store, absorbing her blithe holiday spirit. This woman didn't give a rip what anyone thought of her bizarre get-up (did I mention it was only 8:30 am? Her outfit was so bright she could've stopped traffic). And what was even sweeter was when my friend remarked on her luxurious mink stole, the woman said, "Oh, I've had this for over 40 years. Do you want to feel it?"

Of course we did! We wanted to touch something warm and soft during a holiday season that had turned harsh on us and just fill ourselves with this woman's generosity & joy. (I did feel bad for the minks, but at least her coat was vintage!) And in soon order we found ourselves grinning from ear to ear. This woman was so cuddly that I suddenly felt my heart jerk & realized I didn't want to let her go. In a snap she had relieved all the stress of the holiday season and made us feel oddly generous and warm hearted again. So I asked her if I could take her picture to remember her. And she said "Sure honey. My name's Birdie—I don't know why, I just always attract a lot of birds."

Whoa. Do real people say things like that?

I'm going to be honest with you—at that moment, I began to wonder if she was an angel. Last time I checked, only Snow White and angels attract feathered friends who hover around them for no rational reason. And once we departed from her side, I never saw her in the store again.

Was Birdie an angel who'd been sent to bolster our spirits and remind us that the real reason we celebrate the holidays during this season is for the chance to share our joy? It's impossible to say. But I do know that after our brief encounter with her, my friend and I were able to have a cup of coffee and laugh about our woes, and then—miracle beyond miracles—we were actually able to look forward to facing the holiday season. So whether she was an angel or Mrs. Claus or not, the one thing I do know is that I am back to enjoying the prospect of the holidays once again—a blessing indeed.  And I sincerely do believe . . .