Miracles Abound

The new year began with a shock for me—

I had just been to my children's school to discuss their progress with an administrator (and was delighted to discover they're doing well), when I pulled out of the parking lot and headed down the long, winding road towards home. Our house is a little over ten miles from the school, and it was an icy morning in the mountains of Colorado, so I was on high alert for motorists who might underestimate the slick roads. Fortunately, most people who live out here in the country are well aware of the tricky winter conditions, and to my naked eye, everyone appeared to be handling the trek well.

But my eyes deceived me.

It wasn't that anyone was speeding or attempting to text while driving. In fact, the other motorists were maneuvering quite cautiously. On top of that, I was driving ten miles per hour below the speed limit.  

Yet just ahead and to the right of the main highway, I noticed a woman in a large SUV on a side road pulling up slowly to a stop sign. She couldn't have been moving more than ten miles an hour, obviously making adjustments for the weather conditions. Nevertheless, in the blink of an eye, her vehicle slid directly into my lane. Still sliding, the SUV was so large that within seconds it occupied nearly the entire width of the road, and the poor woman stared in horror from her driver side window at my oncoming car that was only a few feet from her door.

I know enough about winter driving in the mountains to realize that brakes are nearly useless in moments like this. All I could do was brace myself and swerve.

And pray.

To my astonishment, I somehow made it around her car. 

Even more surprising was the fact that, though my left-side wheels were forced to travel over an icy berm with an incline, my vehicle didn't slide. 

My relief at managing not to plow into the woman's SUV, without flipping my own car over the slick berm, was short lived, however.

What I couldn't see beyond the woman's tall vehicle, was the other car in the oncoming lane that had just descended a hill and was now only a few feet away, about to crash into me head-on.

There were no more chances to pray. 

The driver, another woman, had eyes as big and wide as the crisp, blue morning sky. The terrified look on her face, at the sight of my car about to meet hers, will be emblazoned on my mind forever. 

Our situation appeared hopeless.

There simply weren't enough feet to spare—under the ordinary laws of physics—for me to avoid her onrushing vehicle that was moving even faster than mine. 

What could I do, except try my best to swerve? 

I have to confess, I've only experienced a few rare moments in life that seem to defy all of our notions of time and space—and this was one of them. Honest to God, I'll never know how, but I was all of a sudden on the other side of the road. Wa-a-a-y over on the other side. It was as though some unseen set of arms had lifted my car and transported it from the two vehicles that appeared destined to crush me.

The highway photograph I've displayed at the very top of this post should have been the scene of my death. Of their deaths. What we three drivers were looking at was the certainty of a 3-car collision, involving two cars which were traveling at higway speeds, with no space to maneuver by anyone without crashing or flipping a couple of the vehicles. 

But instead, I found myself pulling to the far right-side berm of the road, where I took several deep breaths. I wish I could say I screamed or hyperventilated, because that would have made me seem more normal under such circumstances. But the truth was, I was filled with the most extraordinary peace. My heart was not racing, nor was adrenaline popping and fizzing through my veins. For a moment, I pinched myself, wondering if perhaps I'd died and not realized it, and therefore felt no fear or pain. After all, many people who've reported near-death experiences describe how they suffered brutal accidents and hovered over their bodies for several minutes, unaware that their souls had slipped from the flesh. By the third time I pinched myself, however, I understood that I was, in fact, still here. What's more, I spied in my rear view mirror that the first woman in the SUV had pulled to the side of the road, too, and had gotten out of her car. Immediately, I jumped out and ran down the pavement to meet her.

HOW did she escape not being hit by me or the other woman's car? How did I? From my new vantage point, I spotted the other's woman's vehicle parked alongside the road as well. Her car hadn't crashed or flipped over the icy berm, either. This situation defied all logic: There simply wasn't enough room on the edge of that mountain road to have accommodated all three of us.

When I reached the young SUV driver, who looked to be college-age, her eyes were filled with shock and her mouth was gaping, lips twitching nervously, yet unable to speak. "Are you all right?" I asked her. All she could do was nod in reply, and I instantly wrapped my arms around her. "It's okay." I assured her, "I'm not hurt." At this point I pulled back a bit and saw that her eyes were welling with tears. "I-I'm so sorry!" she blurted, shaking. "M-My brakes locked on the ice and I couldn't stop!"

I hugged her again and told her I understood—these things happen sometimes. Then I swept the hair from her forehead and gazed into her eyes. "Honey," I said, "you must have the best Angels on planet earth. Because I can see no reason why both of us are still standing here." The way she nodded and glanced at me with a spooked expression confirmed everything I'd already suspected: that she thought she there was something unnatural—no, supernatural—about this whole experience, too. 

To our relief, the other woman driver waved at us and called out that she was fine, before starting up her car and continuing back down the mountain road. But the young woman in front of me remained frozen, still attempting (and not really succeeding) to cope with what had just happened. Although I gave her another squeeze for reassurance, finally I just came out and said it: "Sweetheart," I shook my head a little in lingering bewilderment, "it's a miracle. There's no other way to describe this or put it in your brain. Like I said," I glanced at the sky for a second, "you have incredible Angels."

With that, I began to feel her tension release. Though I don't even know the young woman's name, we both understood on that cold, remote highway in Colorado that we had been, well . . . spared. That was the only explanation that made any sense.

I linked my arm through hers and walked her back to her car, where I gave her one last grip around the shoulders and told her she'd be fine. "Live your life well," I urged, "because we both still get to have one." I could see the tears pool in her eyes again as she nodded and got into her SUV, then started it up and waved while she pulled back onto the pavement and disappeared down the mountain road.

Such was our date with destiny. Obviously, as I made my way home in my car that morning, I realized I'd been shown a fleeting portal to leave this plane of existence, and yet despite all the odds, I remained here. Given that it was the start of a new year, I naturally wondered why, what purpose I'd been spared to serve. Of course, like anyone else, I have my "to-do" ideas of plans and goals for 2016, which could have easily been ripped from me in a heartbeat, along with the cherished love of my husband and children. I don't claim to know all the ramifications of why anyone is given a hall pass from an untimely death. But one thing I do know, as I drove slowly, mulling over what had just happened on the road home: My spirit somehow felt bigger than it did before. Not bigger as I think of my temporal self with all my transient ambitions, but more like boundaryless, as though something in me had expanded that day to more fully take in the morning sky. The glistening trees. The shadowy mountainsides. That cool feeling of winter breath against your lungs that slowly warms as it stirs within you before you exhale. The gentle throb of a relentless heart. And maybe that's what "miracles" are all about, those rare intersections in time and space that defy our comprehension of physical laws: they allow us to "know" something larger than before.  The confines of words may never quite articulate what that is, but the heart feels it, deep inside. And no matter where we are or what we're doing, we realize in that moment that we're supposed to be here. Something made sure of that for me on that icy morning in early 2016. 

And for me, I will continue to let it widen me inside until I fully appreciate the breadth and gift of this life.

Have you ever experienced a miracle?

 I'd love to hear about it. 

Please feel free to describe your story 

in the comments section below. <3

Why I Believe in Once Upon a Time

(Note: To read my exclusive interviews with the creators & cast of the hit TV show Once Upon a Time, click this link. The following is an essay on why I love the show : )


Occasionally people ask why I enjoy the fairy tale show Once Upon a Time so much, especially as a working mom with 2 kids who barely has enough time to watch TV, let alone keep up with a multi-year series. And that's just the thing—I'm not in it for some adolescent wish fulfillment (I've already found my Prince Charming) or because I need a weekly dose of escapist fantasy (as a writer, I chat way too much with my imaginary friends, so I've pretty much got that covered ; ). Believe it or not, Once Upon a Time provides solace for me because it echoes my reality . . . 

If you've ever had the chance to read my post "Our Season of Miracles" (you can view it here: http://www.banditsranch.com/2012/12/real-magic-our-season-of-miracles.html ), you'll understand a little bit more about my childhood and why the term "magical" was a daily reality in the household where I grew up. But what I've never discussed before is why, in particular, the character of Emma Swan resonates so strongly with me, especially in the Season 3 episode of "Going Home."

We all know Emma Swan is one tough cookie. She grew up in the foster care system, only to discover as an adult that she's supposed to be the fabled "savior" for a bunch of people who come from a fairy tale world that she doesn't even believe in. The Emma we first meet in the show is cynical & hardened by life, and it's no wonder—she's seen her share of abandonment & harsh reality. But slowly, the fairy tale characters get under her skin, and nothing demonstrates this fact more fully than Jefferson's beautiful speech to her in the "Hat Trick" episode from Season 1. Jefferson, who's the Mad Hatter, just wants to find his beloved daughter again, and he needs Emma to help him repair his magical hat to cross worlds. Emma naturally thinks he's insane & remarks that these are just fanciful "stories", to which Jefferson replies:

"You know what the issue is with this world? Everyone wants a magical solution to their problems and everyone refuses to believe in magic...How arrogant are you to think this is the only real world? There are infinite more. You have to open your mind and touch one another, pressing up in a long line of lands, each one just as real as the last. All have their own rules. Some have magic, some don't. And some need magic—like this one. And that's where you come in."

Jefferson is exactly right—that is where YOU come in. Not only Emma in the show, but you in your own life. I firmly believe that unless you open your mind to the possibilities of love & joy & well being & freedom, they can never manifest as your reality. Because this is the weird & creative & serendipitous thing about life that the wisdom of legends, fairy tales & fables have tapped into for centuries: You are actually the author of your own reality. And life has a downright eerie way of matching the story that you internally tell yourself.

I don't say this just because I'm a writer—I say this because I've seen firsthand the miracles that happen when you dare to believe. And don't kid yourself—belief is risky. You can get disappointed. You can feel like an idiot. You can use all kinds of facts & figures to convince yourself that nothing good will ever happen—and you'll be right. Because very few positive events can ever occur unless you first make room for them in your heart. Especially love! If you don't actually believe in the possibility of love (a very imaginal phenomenon, full of fantasy ramifications from the get go), you'll never dare to flirt, exchange in small talk, or encourage that other person with a smile to sit down for a spell and enjoy your heart for a while.

And yet people do it all the time. Even though it's crazy. 

Because they've first imagined themselves as being with that significant other one day—they pictured it in their heads. So they keep acting in the so-called "real" world as if it's possible. And where does that imagination come from? From YOU. The media is full of negative bullshit about finding love. Look around—fat people, short people, disabled people, damaged people, geeky-nerdy-weird & wonderful people fall in love all the time—not just the body types that the media serves up to us for advertising dollars. Why? Because they believed in love's MAGIC that knows no boundaries. Or as Mary Margaret/Snow White said to Henry in the Season 3 episode of "Going Home," "Believing in even the possibility of a happy ending is a very powerful thing."

But her character also said in that episode, "Your happy ending may not be what you expect—that is what will make it so special."

And this is something I know a little bit about.

Because like Emma, I once had a baby in difficult circumstances—and harsh reality did everything in its power to destroy our bond. But harsh reality was no match for the miracle-making power of the human heart, because I am the daughter of a woman who believed in miracles, just like Emma's is the daughter of her brave & strong mother Snow White.

So when, in the 32nd week of my first pregnancy, my placenta ruptured, nearly killing me and my child, all the doctors & scientists involved in the situation told me that we were doomed. I'll never forget my  husband's eyes, as large as saucers, haunted by the verdict of impending death. I could feel the sick fear all around us, permeating every nook and cranny of our hospital room. And my heart ached for my husband who was facing that dark tunnel of losing the loves of his life in a big city where we had no friends, no family, or any relatives near us. We were completely alone, feeling like orphans in this bleak situation, and we had no one to turn to. In fact, the priest had already come to the hospital room to administer last rites to our child. And I will never forget the moment that tested every ounce of courage I had to the limit. Before the priest spoke a word, I grabbed my husband's hand and said through gritted teeth: "I don't care what anyone says. My mother walked & talked miracles every day of her life, and I saw with my own eyes the power that brought into this world, and it is not my baby's time to go yet. Neither one of us are dying today."

And something happened.

Both my husband & I felt it. It was as though something supernatural had lifted the "curse" of fear that had overtaken the room.

So I asked the priest to simply pray with us for healing over our baby, rather than deliver last rites. To focus on hope instead of death. And he did.

And my little Georgie lived.

She not only lived, she grew strong enough to take breast milk, smile at me, listen to Winnie the Pooh stories, and giggle & play little games with us.

No one could believe it—and I grew healthier by the day, too. But as Mary Margaret/Snow said in Once Upon a Time, "Your happy ending my not be what you expect—that is what will make it so special," in a very surpising twist of fate, just as Georgie was about to be discharged from the hospital and allowed to go home, she left this earth.

The doctors were stunned—how could this child who'd survived all the odds and who appeared so healthy, suddenly slip from our hands? Yet though this may seem hard to believe, it all made sense to me.

I am no stranger to life turning out differently than I expected. Because my own mother lived longer than her prognosis, and filled our lives with abundant laughter & light, I knew that Georgie's  five weeks on this earth had been a pure gift to me, too. Of course I wanted Georgie to live longer, and of course I miss her—but I will never let that stain the sheer beauty of each moment that I got to spend with her that is inscribed on my heart for all time. And it was all a joy! Never for a second was it shrouded in fear—because her recovery had been so miraculous that we all thought she was going home. Our every minute together had been one of happiness.

And that is not the end of the story, either. Two years later, I went on to have 2 more children—bouncy, happy twin boys—who've never had a health problem a day in their lives. And who, when they were only three years old, started telling me about dreams they had of playing with their "other family." "What other family is that?" I'd ask, thinking they meant their stuffed animals or characters they'd heard about in books. But at different times, each of my boys told me about playing with their "Heaven family" and a little girl who was 2 years older than they are named "Gigi."

My husband & I had never spoken a word in our home about Georgie, who we sometimes nicknamed "Gigi" & who would have been 2 years older than the boys. As parents, we thought the idea of a deceased sister might be too hard for our children to grasp until they were older, so we didn't have pictures of her around either, and we lived far away from relatives who might have discussed her.

Could it be that Jefferson's ideas of alternate realities, which he spoke of in the "Hat Trick" episode of Once Upon a Time, are true? And perhaps Georgie does play with the boys at night and makes new & happy memories with them?

I don't know.

All I know is that what should have been a dark & tragic time in my life was filled with joy because I believed. And just like Emma in the "Going Home" episode of Once Upon a Time, I'm choosing to embrace the power of my positive version of the events that've helped to create my happily ever after—because that's what makes it all the more special, even if it's different than what I expected. I find that the more I trust myself to flow with what fate has in store, even when things get rocky, the more receptive I become to ending up exactly where I need to be. And similarly, regardless of the twists & turns of fate, Emma finally has her bond with Henry in episode 11 of Season 3—and she doesn't have to overthink it anymore. All she has to do is let it be—and believe . . .   

Because it's never too late to find your happy ending

(Photo credit note: All images on my blog are either my own or were gleaned from pictures in the public domains of facebook, pinterest, or other popular social networks. If you own the copyright to any of these images & do NOT want them used publicly, please contact me & I will take them down immediately! : )

 

Fairy Tales DO Come True—If You Let Them...

Years ago my husband and I had a big, walloping dream of moving to the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. Since we'd once lived 11 miles down a dirt logging road in the wilderness of Idaho (the inspiration for my magical novel Twixt), we knew we'd love the pristine outdoors and crisp air in spite of the high altitude. But I have to tell the truth here—though we were deeply committed to our dream, the reality was that we'd failed dozens of times to make it come true.  I've lost count of how many crucial job prospects slipped through our fingers or seemed to evaporate before our very eyes (often because the job got cut at the last moment due to the economic downturn). And because neither one of us have trust funds, getting good jobs with decent benefits was crucial to our security & future happiness. Oh, and then there was the time my husband had a job all lined up—but he simply couldn't sleep that night, tossing & turning in bed. Deep in my gut I knew the reason why—because the job paid significantly less than he was really worth, but it was the only opportunity we had. The next morning, I did one of the bravest things in my life: I got up, made a nice breakfast, and told him not to take it.

Why? Because I knew in our eagerness we were "settling" for less than our dream. And even though the thought of saying "no" to this opportunity turned me inside out, all I could see was a future where we were locked into disappointment (this particular job required a long-term commitment).  And after all these years, there's one thing I've learned: You can't force a miracle to happen. I know that sounds counter-intuitive in our American gusto, go-after-your-dreams-or die national consciousness. But when things are really right for you, they have a way of falling into place that is nothing short of a miraculous. And if you try to force a miracle using your limited human mindset, well—you'll end up with a limited human experience, far short of what you envisioned. So what I've discovered is that if I can find it within myself to set my ego aside and let the Angels lead the way and arrange everything in perfect timing and order, they'll deliver something better than I could have ever dreamed. But that requires PATIENCE and TRUST. Sigh...and tremendous fortitude of spirit.

Patience and trust are two of my least favorite words because I'm a "doer" by nature and I'd rather jump in head first with all the enthusiasm I can muster. Surely the universe will bless my unbridled passion, right? I shake my head as I write this because I know it's not true—divine timing is always better than MY timing. And sometimes life requires you to trust the Angels on your journey to bring you to your fairy tale ending...

Yet after an entire decade had slipped by, and there were many times when I wondered if (A) I was crazy, and if (B) this dream would ever come true, suddenly, like a delicate flower that seemed to blossom overnight when least expected, we got the call.

Mariposa Lily of Colorado

You know—THAT call. The one that says "Yes, you deserve it. We're choosing YOU for this job, this dream, this whole new LIFE." And in what seemed like a flash, we moved a thousand miles to our new home at 9,000 feet in the Rocky Mountains with all expenses paid and a buy-out of our old home. Holy Cow!!!!!!!!!!

Now, on my morning jogs, this is the vista I see along dirt roads that once hosted nineteenth-century wagon wheels...

And these are the brilliant alpine wildflowers that bloom in all their flaming glory in spite of the high altitude and harsh, semi-arid climate...

 Indian Paintbrush

Yet despite all of the beautiful scenery, nothing was as startling to me as the time my husband and I recently took a hike to 11,000 feet in elevation. As we stood gazing out over the Continental Divide, our chests swelled at the incomprehensible beauty of it all, I happened to glance down to spy these extraordinary mushrooms:

Seriously? Bright red polka-dotted mushrooms at a formidable 11,000 feet like something out of a...FAIRY TALE?? And that's when I began to laugh out loud...because surely the Angels have a sense of humor! 

Only this time, the joke is on me. Okay, so maybe it DID take a decade of near-constant struggle and unbelievable faith to make our dream come true. But when it finally happened, we were left pinching ourselves at the rightness of this miracle and how perfectly it fit our lives. The only ingredient we really needed all along was the belief that we were worth it—and to not settle for less than we'd dreamed or to try to rush the miracle. And I couldn't help but wonder if there was a divine purpose in this long journey towards our unique fairy tale ending. Because the woman who now stands at the top of the Continental Divide is different than the woman who began this journey. She's withstood trials, obstacles, heartbreak, and even brutal betrayal. But she has kept her sights high & listened to her Angels in spite of all of the naysayers who (at times) tried to bully her into believing that she's "impractical" and that fairy tell endings never really come true.

And all I have to say to those people now is BULLSHIT. Fairy tales are REAL. Your dreams are real and they are in your heart for a reason. And that reason is to step out on a journey that will require your whole heart and will at times freeze you to the bone, only to cause you to bloom more brilliantly than you ever dreamed possible. And your dream WILL come to you if you can muster the patience to trust the Angels to lead you to it. It may come in a different form or through a different channel than you imagined. But I believe the Angels are faithful to lead you to your heart's desire if you don't hang on too tightly to how your dream will manifest. Just be true to yourself, dream hard, and work even harder. But then do yourself a huge favor and let go. Let the Angels arrange those details that are beyond human willpower and comprehension. Because like I always say:

 When you let go and relax, miracles can find you... 

P.S. And speaking of fairy tales, my new fairy tale book for boys (and tomboys) is finally here: THE BOYS WHO FARTED AND FLEW! Young and old will treasure this whimsical tale that teaches the values of friendship and telling the truth—and warns against taking bites out of dragons ; ) But most of all, this charming story reminds us that sometimes magic gets STINKY...

Available NOW at Amazon/Kindle—just click here:  The Boys Who Farted and Flew

(Photo credit note: All images on my blog are either my own or were gleaned from pictures in the public domain of facebook or pinterest.

 If you own the copyright to any of these images & do NOT want them used publicly, please contact me & I will take them down immediately! : )

It's A New Dawn, It's A New Day...

Welcome to 2013!

I know I'm forever the optimist, but I can't help it—turns of months, moons, seasons & years all inspire me as opportunities for glorious new beginnings. And regardless of any sorrows or disappointments I might've experienced in the past, whenever I'm at the cusp of a new phase I always feel an upswell of joy. Deep in my soul, I just know anything is possible in this big old world because there's something eternally sacred out there that loves all of us & is leading us to our highest good. And with every chaotic disruption or even dark ending I face comes the birth of something that I'm convinced will be an opening—a new & creative portal—that will take me exactly to where I should be. So color me sentimental (hey, I wear that badge with pride—it means I've got a heart!), but I would love to offer you this day a bit of enchantment to help you spread your wings & soar in this fresh new year. It's my HOPE SPELL (or affirmation, or manifestation, whatever you feel comfortable calling it), and it goes as follows:  

(Skyview near my twin sister's house)

HOPE SPELL

Focus on the bright blue horizon in this image—feel its wide open space as a new freedom for you, regardless of anything you might've experienced in the past. Then imagine a warm, fluffy cloud swelling beneath you & lifting you higher, carrying you towards your dreams. You know you will believe in them, you know you will work very, very hard for them—but for just one moment, let yourself completely relax & ALLOW the angels to take you there! Don't let your rational mind fight this miracle. Just for once, accept their guidance & assistance as a total gift of grace. You don't have to earn their help or achieve any kind of elite "worthiness"—the Universe already loves you & wants to work with you! Feel the angels steer you in ways you never expected towards your brightest year ever. Now look around—what do you see as the manifestation of all your dreams? Take a picture in your mind of your version of abundance, and then smile . . . for all the angels are rejoicing . . .